This is My Costume: Halloween Ideas for the Unbelievably Lazy

The ‘ween always manages to creep up on me like a serial killer on a group of teens partying in the woods. Still, I’m too proud to go to CVS to buy a cheap rubber monster mask or nonspecific costume like “doctor” or “tree” if I’m going to a Halloween party. Unfortunately, any occasion you attend you will field the constant question: “Where’s your costume?”

To help you deflect these jeering holiday tyrants, here are some of my past costumes that have required less than half an hour to throw together.

1. Time Traveler From the Extremely Recent Past


This one is a personal favorite that leaves a lot of room from creativity. It’s also an opportunity to use your dated possessions–your 1st generation Iphone, “Gettin’ Lucking in Kentucky” shirt, Von Dutch trucker hat (You guys kept that stuff, right?). Costume done.

Top it off by occasionally interject Borat  and Napoleon Dynamite references into casual conversation, and pretending not to know what Twitter is.

2. That Character in Zombie Movies Hiding The Fact They’ve Been Bitten


This one requires a small amount of effort and about $5. Get a bandage and pour a bunch of red food coloring on it. Wrap around your ankle or forearm–somewhere covered by clothing. If you really want to go the extra mile, put a small amount of dark makeup under your eyes to make them look sunken. When you go to Halloween parties, make sure to intermittently touch where you’ve been “bitten” and look shifty.

3. Werewolf (human form)


Lucky for us, Halloween this year falls on a quarter moon. When people say, “No costume?”. inform them you’re a werewolf, but in human form because the moon isn’t full.

4.Tom Cruise from Risky Business 


Technically easier than getting dressed for work.


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